[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Oh, yeah! I'm going to
start the Laser Channel.
All lasers, all the time.
Actually, I guess it's not all the time.
That's a problem, isn't it?
I need a way for this thing
to fire continuously.
And it's not doing much good
pointed at this wall.
I need to reflect it somewhere.
"Do Not Obstruct Laser Shield"
It looks almost asking for
someone to obstruct it, isn't it?
I don't care for your rules.
Now I want to see what
happens when it gets obstructed.
There, that should do it.
I've never used a laser this big.
I don't know what'll happen.
If it starts bouncing everywhere,
I'll just run out of the room.
(chuckling) Aw-aw-awesome!
That's even better than I expected!
Don't stop; let's keep
this laser party going!
Get a disco ball and some music in here.
Maybe clear out the bodies.
Hell, shoot the laser at the disco ball
and set this whole room on fire.
Hm, this material is slower going.
It might take me too long to
carve a tunnel out of here this way.
Even though that would be
totally awesome!
Wait, where does this room even go?
But this whole building's
a dead end except for the ceiling.
I guess I could push that crate
all the way downstairs to get out.
I mean, I don't have any duct tape,
otherwise, I'd tape down that button,
take a nap, and let the laser
burn a hole out of here.
But this crate must weigh at
least 200 pounds.
Damn, and I'll have to push it
up those other stairs,
or else go the long way
around with that ramp.
Screw that, I'll check out
this room first.
If I slip and crack my skull,
then, at least I know
this was the wrong...
God, no matter how much I try, I
can never ignore gravity.
Unless you're...
completely underwater.
But then, you can't breathe.
This is an awfully big ceiling.
Maybe they used to have a
giant trampoline in here.
SCIENTIST #1: A scientist! Thank God!
SCIENTIST #1: Get us out of here
before those military drones figure out
SCIENTIST #1: where we're hiding.
SCIENTIST #2: We all have
retinal scanner access.
SCIENTIST #2: Escort us to the lobby
and we can get out of the lab.
SCIENTIST #3: You'll have to shut down
JESUS CHRIST!
SCIENTIST #3: the surgical unit, first.
TRYING TO FLANK ME!
SCIENTIST #3: Peters switched it on
SCIENTIST #3: but I'm afraid he
never made it back.
Okay, everybody, shut up!
Okay, I won't be killing you
because you told me exactly
SCIENTIST #1: It appears the
containment system has
SCIENTIST #1: completely failed.
Hey, what did I just say?!
I can still change my mind!
There's enough in this clip for
every one of you.
Okay, let's do the Get Outside thing.
SCIENTIST #1: With my brains and
your brawn, we'll make an excellent team.
Oh! So, you think YOU'RE the
brains of this operation, huh?
SCIENTIST #2: Fascinating!
God damned RIGHT you will!
SCIENTIST #2: I never suspected
such things could be.
Okay, Dopey, YOU come with me.
Okay, now this slicer is
kind of dangerous.
You ought to know; you designed it.
Now, just take your time.
It's only a concentric circle pattern.
Looks like I picked the wrong man for the job!
This just looks bad
for everyone involved.
Oh, yeah, better make sure
the door opens.
That would really cap
things off it if doesn't.
If this was locked, it would be
a massacre trying to get this crew
to climb up the pipes I came
down on.
Okay, people, time for Plan B.
SCIENTIST #3: Who is responsible
for this mess?
I don't like how you're looking at me.
Are we going to have a problem here?
Good. Okay, I guess, you too.
SCIENTIST #1: I certainly hope
you know what you're doing.
That's it! I've had enough
lip from you! You stay!
SCIENTIST #1: I'm...slowing you down, am I?
No, you're pissing me off is
what you're doing!
What I SHOULD do is to turn
that cheese slicer back on
and let you form your own
escape plan, brainiac!
SCIENTIST #3: I hope those people in the
Lambda Lab can get this under control.
Well, if they're anything like Poindexter
back there, I think we're on our own.
These aliens ended up on display somehow.
I hate these things and you should, too.
And don't tap on the glass.
They hate that.
[glass shatters, alarm sounds]
I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT!
Scientist #3: I seem to be
wounded but I can keep going.
Wow, you're pretty chill about all this.
SCIENTIST #3: Well, there
goes our grant money.
Well, I don't know what to say.
I don't know why all the glass in the
hallway shattered at the same time.
Or why you would design
something like that.
I also think the sirens are
really unnecessary,
though that would make a pretty
good alarm clock sound.
You'd wake up and think there's
a bombing raid going on.
Well, here's the scanner--
Christ, I thought I got this guy.
SCIENTIST #3: Well, I'll let you out, but
I'm warning you, it's hell out there!
SCIENTIST #3: It's completely
under military control.
SCIENTIST #3: You'll have to sneak and
fight your way from one end to the other.
SCIENTIST #3: And I don't expect you'll
meet many of our peers along the way.
SCIENTIST #3: But, if you DO survive,
and somehow make it across the base,
SCIENTIST #3: you'll end up at
the Lambda Complex,
SCIENTIST #3: where the rest of
the Science Team has taken shelter.
SCIENTIST #3: I wouldn't
venture there myself,
SCIENTIST #3: but I will let them know
SCIENTIST #3: that you are coming.
Dude, you've been shot!
You should find some gauze; make
sure the bleeding's under control.
I've taken some shots, too, but
I'm in plated body armor.
Stop walking on it and
go find some disinfectant!
He's the only person in this building
who's been even remotely helpful.
So, naturally, he's going
to get himself killed.
Oh, my God! I'm outside at last!
This endless desert isn't big
enough for the both of us.
Huh, it's kind of hot out here.
But, I still don't want to go
inside ever again.
Whoa, it looks like somebody
lost an argument.
Not a weathervane!
Not a weathervane!
It looks like an anemometer,
but it is not!
Anemometers don't fire bullets,
not even the expensive ones.
Or, I don't think they do.
If they do, meteorologists are
more hardcore than I thought.
Well, I don't know. Maybe.
They chase tornadoes and crap.
Maybe this is what happens when
they get better funding.
No more measuring wind speed for you!
So, maybe this is the
Meteorology Department.
That would explain all the skylights.
Doesn't really explain the lasers
or slicing machine, though.
Or the crates of explosives.
Actually, I don't think this
belongs to the Science Team.
But, yeah, I could see meteorologists
taking things up a notch.
Like they normally release
weather balloons
then just count on people to be
nice and mail them back when they land.
Instead, they could deploy
motion-sensor turret guns on landing,
send out a locator signal and
shoot anyone that got too close.
They'd get their data then.
Now, is there's another turret
gun waiting for me?
Somebody did not hear me
through their helmet.
You know, the Art of War talks
about terrains, spies, the use of fire,
but, I'd bet if Sun Tzu had
access to satchel charges,
he would've authored a whole new
section on them alone.
Wow, they didn't notice that?
They must be listening to the radio.
I'm going to change the station.
Well, all in all, it's not
such a bad way to go.
Confusion for half a second, then death.
I would feel bad about this,
but morality is for people who don't have
other people trying to kill them every five minutes.
I mean, this isn't like a basketball
game where I'm winning over and over.
"C'mon! Let us win just once!"
"C'mon, Gordon, let us kill you just once!"
HECU: Check your zone.
Yeah...
HECU: Sir, I hear something.
[overlapping HECU chatter]
Jesus.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
I hope you're not upset about--
Whuh-hoo, well, that wakes me up.
Wow, I almost feel like I don't
even need more stimulants today.
I guess I need some downers.
Wow, I didn't know we had a dam.
I...don't...think my suit can
stop mortar shells.
Oh, a helicopter with rockets.
So, that means climbing the rocks
out of here isn't really an option.
I'm embarrassed that I've been outwitted
by a squad of soldiers with mortar shells
and a helicopter with rocket
missiles in a boxed-in canyon,